“She loves me for who I am, not who she wants me to be.”
What’s the secret to a long-lasting bond with a parent? People who know are explaining.
“Small gestures and habits of love are what truly build an eternal connection with our parents,” Carol Canineu, a mother of three, tells TODAY.com.
Canineu posted an Instagram video sharing what she’s learned from people who are close to their parents.
“What kids remember and what really matters most isn’t perfection,” Canineu wrote in her post. “It’s that we listened. We showed up. We loved out loud. That’s what makes us unforgettable in their hearts.”
Link ig: https://www.instagram.com/reel/DPccp_MDYJO/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link
The mom asked for people to conjure memories of how their parents showed love. Comments include:
- “My dad was the ‘Want to go to the store?’ Dad. It was our little adventure.”
- “This brought me to tears because I imagined the words being said to me. My favorite one was, ‘I’m sorry’ and ‘I may not love your choices, but I will always love you.’”
- “My dad was the first man to tell me over and over how beautiful I am, so much so that by the time boys came along, I knew my worth. He gave me everything including ‘quiet love.’ I just knew.”
- “My dad kissed me whenever I ran up to him — whether it was when he was coming home from work or the store or if I was just playing outside and came in for dinner.”
- “When I forgot an assignment or a cookie sale, my mom never got on my case. We’d find the construction paper or light the oven together — moments that could have been stressful but instead they were bonding opportunities.”
- “My mom was there for me when I had my first heartbreak. She stayed up late with me to talk about my future husband, she chose my dress with me when we got married, she wept with me when he died so soon and shared a bed with me when I was so lonely and scared as a young widow.”
- “I’m 51 and my 84 year-old dad is always up to do stuff with me. We still run errands just to be together. He just wants to be with me and I feel the same.”
- “My mom and dad helped carry me through bullying and letting things get the better of me and in the way of my mental health. We didn’t have much, but we were absolutely rich in love.”
- “My mom and dad had dinner parties and never excluded us. They would play games with their friends and even if I didn’t know how to play Trivial Pursuit at 5 years old, they let me pretend. I would go under the table and be by their feet, reading a book or playing with the dog and nobody minded that I was included. They never made me go to my room or stay away from their friends to have a good time. It was always OK to be around. I was always welcome.”
- “My dad was … always bragging about me. I had someone show up at my office once to tell me how my dad was so proud of me. I miss my parents every day.”
- “My mom would always give a reason why I could do something; the reason would always be showcasing one of my strengths. Those little things showed me she saw me.”
- “My parents were teenagers when they had me. Despite all the difficulties of that situation, my mom has always been available to listen. She admits when she’s wrong or doesn’t have an answer. She loves me for who I am, not who she wants me to be.”
- “Coming home and just being their kid again. To be hugged, loved, cared for, and listened to after a long day at school, without having to pretend that everything was OK when I sometimes was falling apart inside.”
Canineu tells TODAY.com that her parents didn’t impose their opinions on her life.
“They always gave me advice, but still trusted my decisions, even when they didn’t fully agree,” she explains. “This was especially true during my teenage years, a time when it’s so easy for parents and kids to grow apart. Instead of shutting me down, they guided me while still showing their belief in me.”
Canineu adds: “They also celebrated my achievements, big or small, and because of that, they are always the first people I want to share my news with. That trust gave me, not only confidence, but also an example I deeply hope to pass onto my children.”
