Moose (right): Moose doesn’t bring a lot to the table, other than the table itself… which he probably chewed on, to be honest. He is very pretty, so if needed, he’d be perfect mascot for any brand.
Downside: He cannot count.
Upside: He cannot count- so you can severely underpay him and he’ll never notice. He’s just happy to be included.
Chomper (middle): This guy will take any job very seriously. He graduated with a 4.8 GPA and has numerous PhDs, which is quite impressive for being only 4 years old.
He was previously named employee of the month at 6 separate companies. Simultaneously.
No low ball salaries though- he knows what he’s worth. But you won’t regret hiring him.
Squirrel (left)- Well, truthfully, she may or may not be a negative asset to your company.
She thrives in high-conflict, low-structure environments.
She’s been known to defecate in areas she knows she’s not allowed to. I’ve caught her stealing a time or two, as well.
She’ll actually do the opposite of whatever you tell her to do so that may cause some quarrels at times. She also has a VERY bad habit of talking back, we’re working on it. By working on it I mean it hasn’t gotten any better whatsoever, worse even.
Strengths? Speed, stealth, invincibility.
Weaknesses? Literally everything else.
On a positive note, she is available immediately… because I will pay you to take her. A very generous amount. I need a break.
